How To Help Your Children Develop a Healthy Relationship with Food
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Want to make healthy eating and, let's be honest, a healthy LIFESTYLE just part of your household instead of this impossible thing you keep striving for alone? Need to make feeding your kids simple, but don't know where to start? Know that you need to address your own food anxieties and insecurities so they don't become things your kids struggle with down the road?
Well today's episode is THE ONE for you! Ashley Smith, of The Veggies and Virtue Podcast, and I talk about a simple approach to feeding our children, how to help shape a healthy relationship with food for our children even while losing weight ourselves, and some mindset shifts to make around food as a family.
Ashley Smith is registered dietitian nutritionist (MPH, RD, LD) is a Christian wife, mama of three littles, and lives outside of Houston, TX where she runs Veggies and Virtue. She equips moms with the know-hows they need and hacks they crave to find freedom, flexibility, and fun when feeding their families and is passionate about encouraging moms in the mealtimes, messes, moments, and ministry of motherhood.
Enjoy and be encouraged!
What we talk about in this episode:
Ashley’s own struggles postpartum
How those struggles shaped the way she approaches nutrition and feeding herself and her family
What Ashley found to be the most helpful to ensure healthy meals get on the table
Ashley shares her favorite meal plan and prep tips for moms who are trying to both eat healthy and feed their children
And we talk about how moms can help shape their children's relationships with food - especially when they themselves may be trying to lose weight but also while wanting to shape healthy habits and mindset around food for their kids
Are you ready to get consistent so you can lose weight and actually feel confident as a mom?
Book your weight loss kickstart call and let's get you losing weight the right way!
FULL TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] I know you're here for your habits and for your weight loss, but I know your heart mama, and I know that it's for your kids and that they're, you're S you're just top priority. And you want so much for them. You want health, you want a good mindset around food, and you want to instill in them things that you're learning right now so that they can grow.
And become healthy well-rounded adults when it comes to their journeys and their fitness and their nutrition. And so I'm so, so excited to bring to you today, Ashley Smith of veggies and virtue and the veggies and virtue podcast. She's a registered dietician nutritionist and is the owner of veggies and fruits.
She's also the host of the top ranked podcast and nutrition, um, the veggies and virtue podcasts. And as a mom of three, a Christian wife and lives outside of Houston, Texas, where she practices right now, she equips moms with the no house that they need and the hacks they craved to find free. Flexibility and fun when feeding their [00:01:00] families.
And she's also passionate about encouraging moms when it comes to meal time, messes moments and ministry of motherhood. So man, today's conversation, we talk about a family approach to healthy habits. We talk about some of the strategies that she teaches and how you can apply it to your kids so that their healthy eating habits can become lifelong.
And we also talk about your mindset around food and how you can start making sure. And your approach and your thoughts around food. So that the way that you're showing up sets a good example for your kids. Long-term man, this conversation was so good. It was so valuable. I learned so much from Ashley. I continue to, but you are going to be so blessed by this conversation today.
So let's go, listen.
Pay mama. Welcome to the tough love mom podcast. I know you're here because you're ready to get consistent and finally lose [00:02:00] that weight. And you're not afraid of a little tough love, you know, what to do to lose weight. But following through on those things feels impossible. You wish you could just feel like your strong, confident self again, and want to be a good example for your little ones, but you get thrown off by mom guilt and the unpredictability of motherhood.
It's fresh. Taking on your journey. Postpartum is hard, but it's not impossible. Okay. I'm Liz. And I've been where you are. I gained a lot of weight in my pregnancies, 90 pounds, and then 60 pounds. I needed to lose that weight to take control of my health. And honestly just wanted to feel like myself again, with the sustainable approach to wait.
Symbol consistency in working on my mindset. I lost it all in just over a year, both times. And I'm here to help you do the same. I believe that we have an ingrained ability to figure out what we need to do, make it happen and do it in a way that AHS the world. If you're ready to stop falling off the wagon, create solid routine and healthy habits, and finally feel your best inside [00:03:00] and out all while enjoying Dino nuggets on your salad, you are in the right place.
We're about to transform your journey, right? Get pumped up. It is tough luck.
Hey, Ashley, so excited to have you here today. Tell the listeners about you and how you got into nutrition, specifically. Pediatric nutrition. I think it's so interesting that that's, uh, an individual field in itself, but how, what, like what led you to all of that? And. Yeah, absolutely. So, um, I'm a registered dietician and I've known for a while that I just wanted to specialize in pediatrics, even as early as like my teenage years when I was a babysitter, I just found it really fascinating how kids ate and particularly like how I was raised versus how a lot of the kids I was babysitting, uh, were eating and stuff.
From an early age, I really found it fascinating to just try and kind of help kids learn to like [00:04:00] new foods and things like that. And so, um, I pursued the path for undergrad in nutrition. And then when I was looking for graduate programs, I looked for one that specialized in pediatrics and gave me the most exposure to that.
And that's what brought me from Washington state to Texas. And I've lived here ever since. And so, um, went to grad school here, met my husband here, and we lived just outside of Houston with our three kids now. And, um, I started staying home when my oldest was born. Um, but since I'm feeding my kids all day, every day, anyways, it kind of was like an easy parallel to just kind of start sharing bits and pieces of our life and our journey.
Um, That's me too. Can you talk a little bit about how you were raised around nutrition? Cause you said there was a difference between the kids you were babysitting and what you saw there versus how you were raised. So what was that like? What was different about. Yeah. So I think, you know, I was raised, you don't have to like it, but you do have to try it.
And so I think it was just normal. My family never like pressured me or bribed [00:05:00] me. Um, but we were, I would say a very food focused family and that like both my mom and my dad cooked, they were both exceptional, like homemade meals from both of them. My brother went on to be a professional chef. So it's just kind of like food is just kind of in our family.
And so I think like family meals and like homemade meals and, you know, like when we'd go on road trips, The only fast food we would ever go to is in and out and Redding California. Cause that's where my grandparents live. But like, other than that, we like pack, pick dicks. I'm going to be, you know, um, and so it's kind of like, it was just something that was normal for me to think of like these family meals and a lot of variety.
And, you know, as a kid, my dad would joke this. I was the most expensive four year old because I liked to crab and artichokes. And like every time we went to the store, I wanted like real crab, not artificial crab, real crab. And so I think I was just really used to having an adventurous appetite. Um, and pallet.
And so when I started babysitting kids and they were really particular and avoided a lot of foods and, um, it was just really interesting me and you know how it [00:06:00] is. I mean, you have little kids when you have a babysitter. Like my kids look forward to that because that's normally like Mac and cheese night pizza night, something that you know, is very low maintenance for the city.
But this I was seeing was the kids norm, this wasn't just when babysitter was there. It was like a high level of specificity for a lot of the kids that I cared for. And so, um, so yeah, it was just one where I was raised to be really adventurous. And then I started to kind of observe that, you know, that wasn't, that was kind of opening my eyes to the fact that not everyone was raised with kind of this really well balanced diet, you know, I was allowed to have all different foods growing up.
Um, but it was just that. So norm for me, that we had like really well balanced family meals, you know, full breakfast in the morning on school days. And, um, so yeah, so I think it was just kind of ingrained in me early on. And I didn't know at the time what a privilege that was, um, for that to be something that, you know, just became part of who I am.
Yeah. That's very cool. I can relate a lot to that because I think the way my parents raised us too, it [00:07:00] was at least try it. It's on your plate. Um, but don't say you don't like it until you've tried it. Right. And that's something that was very much so ingrained in tra we got to travel a lot growing up, so definitely was exposed to a variety of foods.
And I think that's, it sounds like was the key was just that variety and what you were presented with and given the opportunities to try, which is. It can be really hard as moms with little ones and a thousand other things on our minds. Um, so when you transitioned into motherhood personally, with your own nutrition and as well as, as your kids started eating, did you face any struggles?
I mean, obviously pregnancy there's, there can be a versions and there can be. Cravings and all these different things that come up around nutrition. So did you struggle at all in those seasons or right after having kids, you know, transitioning to becoming a mom personally around nutrition. And did you face any struggles when it came to learning how to feed your own kids?
Yeah, absolutely. So personally, my first [00:08:00] pregnancy was the one I had the most diversions with and I was super nauseous, all first trimester. I mean, I remember having to like take a lunch break and go to the grocery store just to find something I could eat, because it was like, I couldn't even pack a lunch because I didn't know what I would be able to eat, come lunchtime kind of thing.
So very, very particular. Um, during pregnancy with my first and, you know, it's kind of interesting because she gave me a deep dive into the struggles that I had with her, and also just, you know, feeding your own kids. It's easy to be a pediatric dietician when you don't have kids and you can just share a bit best practices.
But now as a mom, I quickly learned. That, what I thought would be my journey. My experience with her was not the case. So, you know, I could look at pregnancy nutrition and what I would have wanted to eat when I was pregnant. That was not at all my reality. And then once she was born breastfeeding, what. I mean, there's really no nicer way to say that it was a total nightmare with her.
And so that was a real challenge. And then as we introduce solids, she was picky from the very beginning, even with starting [00:09:00] solids. And that just continued on through toddler hood. And that was a lot of why I started veggies and virtue because I just thought if I have all this education and all this passion and all this upbringing and experience to who I am, and this is still so challenging for me.
Then surely other moms need to feel supported in the sense, surely other moms need to know that they're not alone in their struggles with feeding their kids, because I know that I'm coming with a wealth of information and education and this still feels challenging. And so we went through a lot of struggles with her and then, you know, now I have two other kids too.
And actually none of my kids have been what I would consider adventurous eaters. And I think that that's what I came into motherhood thinking like, well, I was born and raised this way, like. Pursuing pediatric nutrition for the majority of my life. And, you know, um, I just thought like this would be really natural.
And like, my kids from birth would grow up to be really adventurous eaters and that just hasn't been their natural inclination ever in any one of them. And so that's [00:10:00] been really humbling to say the least, but, um, it's also helped me like work through. Being the becoming the dietician. I am all the more and like really putting into practice what I know, not because it's easy, but because I'm committed to knowing that it's right.
And I want to really like build that foundation for them, even if for my pride and my ego, it doesn't really serve me well to be like, oh, look, my kid likes all the things. A lot of kids like, you know, it's not like my kids, um, or any poster children for pediatric nutrition, but they are really good case studies on a daily basis for me to just continue to work on.
And, um, Really just to continue to work with and kind of fostering that feeding environment and that relationship with food that I hope that they continue to develop as they get older. That's so encouraging to hear, because I think every mom goes that like, you're starting from this blank slate with this child who you from day one, uh, feeding them solids.
You're trying to teach them. The right. Foundational things around food. And so it's encouraging to hear, even though you have this [00:11:00] expertise and this background and life experience yourself growing up, but it was still hard child to child and they're each different. Is there anything day-to-day, that's helped you shape their nutrition and their palettes?
And I know you said it's not been easy, but that's helped make it a little easier, like any specific strategies or mindsets yourself that have helped you on that path. Because I think the mom listening is probably going well. It's great that she knows what to do and can actually practice it, even if it's not easy for her, but I don't even know where to start.
I don't even know. What would be good for my child. Um, and obviously listeners of this podcast care about their health and they care about their children's health, probably even more. So where would you encourage them to start? Or just like, what encouragement would you want to give them? Yeah, I think that's a great question.
So first and foremost, where my starting place was and what I would encourage a lot of moms to start with is making sure that you know, what your feeding approach is. You know, there's a lot of different [00:12:00] ways to do things out there. And a lot of us have been raised with different feeding approaches, you and I relayed on.
Uh, pretty healthy exposure to foods early on, but a lot of people are used to, you know, the clean plate club or they assume that the three bite rule is that they need to go with. And, you know, we get a lot of different input and information from different places, but to make sure that you're looking at a really evidence-based perspective.
And so, um, in the feeding world, it's often referred to as responsive feeding the division of responsibility, kind of these feeding roles and feeding responsibilities. And so for the parent to first and foremost, understand that their job in beating their child is deciding what food is offering. When food is offered and where food is offered, that is the baseline most simplified framework that I would encourage parents.
And this is obviously a very, I could do several. I have several blog posts because it's on just this. And so, you know, this is a big topic and this is something I share about pretty much every episode, but that would be where I'd encourage parents to start researching, start looking, start finding pediatric [00:13:00] dieticians like myself who share.
Exclusively on this and, you know, equip you in the strategies with that. That said, this is what I knew. I knew that this was best practice. I knew that this is what the research said is the gold standard for feeding. And so when I started feeding my firstborn, I knew my job is what, when and where I got this, you know, it's her job.
If, whether, and how much she eats. And so I just thought, like, I know my job so I can do my job, but then she refused everything I ate. And so kind of the next step strategy I would encourage families to do if they feel like they kind of have. Um, they're kind of in a groove with the feeding relationship and what their role is and their child's role is, is to think through simplifying it a little bit more, because I was really overwhelmed because I was offering my child, all the things that I wanted her to eat in terms of like the, what the, when and the, where, but she, that's not the food that she was eating.
And so that's when. I came up with the love, it, like it learning it framework. And I think this is the easiest way to simplify things for parents, because very quickly it takes very little [00:14:00] explanation to understand there's foods. Our kids love that they will eat pretty much every time, often eat larger portions than other foods.
And they're just preferential to basically any other food. And then there's the foods that our kids are still learning, but like, these are the ones that often come first to mind for parents thinking through, you know, these are. Um, the foods that they refuse, these are the foods that they quote unquote don't like.
And so we kind of have both ends of the spectrum there. And then the like foods are in the kind of the 50, 50 foods. Like sometimes these can be really frustrating for parents because it's like, well, you liked chicken yesterday and today you don't. So it's kind of like 50, 50, will they eat it? Will they not?
But once I started plugging that framework into what I was serving my child and really the evolution over the eight years of feeding her and my other two is empowers me a lot to understand what am I feeding her? Because for me, what I was feeding her was almost exclusively learning foods at the beginning.
And even though I expose her to all these foods since infancy. None of these foods are really [00:15:00] preferred foods for her. And because I was ambitiously feeding her, all these things, I nutrient wise, I really wanted her to learn to like, but that's just not where she was at. That's not where her feeding skills were at.
That's not where her palate was at. And so I had to kind of adapt this to understand that. The recommendation of pairing preferred and non-preferred foods. A lot of parents have probably heard, you know, make sure your food, your child always has like a quote, unquote, safe food or preferred food and things like that.
I like thinking about it and simplifying it to love it. Like it learning it, make sure you're offering your child something that they love. So you have the reassurance as the mom that you've offered them something that they enjoy. So you can rest assured you're not starving them. They have something to eat, even if it's just strawberry.
That's a love of food and they'll they'll balance. And they'll intuitively eat over the course of the day to know where they kind of compensate with other food groups and nutrients. But, you know, you can, you're not going to only be able to feed your kid only strawberry. So, you know, incorporate it, like get food, incorporate a learning at food.
And this, you know, kind of feeds into the philosophy that, you know, you can feed one [00:16:00] meal to your whole family. That doesn't mean that your child loves every component of that meal. But I think it takes some of the pressure off when we're thinking, what do we feed our kids? We're not doing our kids a great service when we only feed them their love at foods.
Cause then we're not like stretching their pallets. We're not like trying to help, you know, come alongside them and how we like challenge them with a really low pressure approach to learn to like new foods. And so I think that is what I encourage parents first and foremost to do is once they have their feet.
Foundation set with what their role and their child's role is then to begin kind of simplifying the meal planning process and what you're offering and things like that using the love, it, like it, learning it framework and look at your kid's list, you know, make a tea graph of what foods does your kid love, or excuse me, what foods do your, does your kid love, which foods does your kid like and which foods is your kids still learning?
And then you can kind of start to adapt how it's offered based on that list that helps so much, and it's simplified. It simplifies the approach to food [00:17:00] in my mind, even like I'm, I've been challenged and encouraged getting to know you and learning and taking in everything that you teach. Because personally I'm in the thick of all of this right now, especially with our second who's much more on the picky side.
Um, but that concept. Love it like it and learning, it helps so much when you're putting a plate together because I can go, okay. I know he's not going to starve all day long cause I'm giving him something, each meal that I know he will eat or at least try. And I think it's interesting. You made a point about children like intuitively nutritionally filling in the different gaps throughout the day with what they eat and.
As adults we've drowned out that intuition so much. I think between marketing, like the marketing we've been fed and our own emotional eating and everything. So trusting in our child's innate ability to know when they're hungry and what their body's need is it's hard to do because we ourselves have lost that.
[00:18:00] Um, is there anything that has helped when it comes to. You trusting, like, aside from that framework and leaning on the simplicity of that, which we're all about simplicity here. So I love that you bring it back home to that simplicity, but is there anything aside from that that helps, that helps you, especially in those early ages, go, okay.
I can trust them what my child knows they need as I'm giving them this. Like, just that, because I think we can overthink things a lot as moms. And this is such an area that we overthink because we want the best for our kids. So I don't even know where I'm really going with what I mean. Yeah, absolutely. I hear exactly what you're saying.
And I love that you do focus so much on the mindset component because just as much the mindset component plays into us, feeding ourselves as moms, we mindset component. I talk about all the time with parents on how much it impacts the way we're eating, because a lot of times our own food-related issues and insecurity.
Or projected on our kids. [00:19:00] So I often talk about like, are you protecting their relationship with, with food or are you projecting your insecurity on their, on their relationship with food? Because I think a lot of times we're, we're not playing defense, you know, we're not thinking of what messages have we received or do we believe.
That are limiting beliefs and they're limiting how I show up and feed my own child. And so I don't necessarily trust this to be true. And I think as a mom, I've had to work through that a lot. Anna, as a dietician, I've had to confront a lot of my kind of, um, mindset blocks where my thinking doesn't really aligned where I'm like, I know as a dietician, this is what I want for my kids.
I know as a dietician, this is best practice, but as a mom, I just can't wrap my head around how they can eat only strawberries ended meal. I can't wrap my head around how I'm still doing a good job when the meal goes on and touched again. And you know, so I've had to confront a lot of these things, but I often told my husband, like, if I don't then who will, because I have [00:20:00] every reason.
To wrestle through this and to stand up and show parents like this is possible. This is the process that we can take. And ultimately this is the path that we can pay for the next generation. Cause I think a lot of people in our generation do, you know, have been saturated in diet culture. And like you said, don't have that intuition on how to eat.
And I think a lot of moms and a lot of our moms, you know, the grandmothers to our kids have. I had a little bit of a broken relationship with food or body image and things like that. And so we find ourselves wrestling with a lot of things. And then you add in the postpartum component and you obviously talk to your audience a lot about this, but I think, you know, if we can notice where our triggers are with our kids, I think that it can be huge for us to kind of identify where does what we want for our kid and what are we doing?
Not really align. So, I don't know if that answers your question, but I do think it's, it's hugely important. Um, in terms of, you [00:21:00] know, first step identifying where own anxieties and insecurities, and then, you know, just observe where are those being projected on our kids, because we have to be willing to do the work, to even notice that otherwise we can easily feed meal after meal year after year and realize, well, we've kind of gotten off track and how we feed our kid.
And we're kind of setting them up for the same struggles that maybe we've. 'cause we haven't slowed down to actually like do the work. Yeah. And it's not just going to be healing for our kids down the road as they age and become adults themselves, but it's healing for us. I mean, so healing when we can address those just personally at something shifted in my mind, um, late last year, early this year with.
Around like sweet. Like I have a sweet tooth majorly cookies on my thing, but there's just something that I, and maybe it's cause my back pain got really bad after having my second. But there's just something there's this connection between before I like want to eat junk or whatever I go, how's this going to make me feel?
And [00:22:00] that's something I talk a lot to my toddler about is how food's going to make him feel what it does for his body, what it might do to his body. Like not in a horrible negative way. How is it going to make you feel if you eat too much of this, or if you have extra, you know, and it started to imprint on me that conversation with him and I've started reflecting, wait a second.
Like if I go and have an extra serving of whatever, even though I'm not really hungry, how am I going to wake up feeling tomorrow? Probably not that great. And it just is this it's projected back on me, how I'm talking to my kid about food and it's been so healing, which is amazing. That that like relationship is there, um, when it comes to developing and for like forging that relationship with food for our kids.
Are there anything specifically, like phrase wise or how would you encourage parents to just help create that healthy relationship around food with our kids? Because I think a lot of moms want to break that. [00:23:00] I don't know if you call it a generational curse or whatever, how we see food or any issues we have around food.
We don't want to pass that on to our kids. Um, so how, just, how would you encourage moms to talk about food with their kids? I mean, talk about junk food. Talk about fast food, talking about quote, healthy food. How would you encourage moms to do. In a way that's going to help our kids bring that awareness to, and, and, and, you know, continue to support that intuition they have versus creating an unhealthy look at food, saying like, Hey, that's bad for you.
And that's good for you. We know that we don't necessarily want them giving that verbiage, but at the same time, there are good foods and not so good. You call them bad foods and how they affect us. So how should a mom approach it that way with their language? Yeah. And that's, that's such a great question.
Cause I think even with the division of responsibility, even with knowing our role of what, when and where we can very quickly still have a hierarchy in terms of the foods that we're offering. And honestly that the foods that we want, [00:24:00] our kids eating. And so I think as parents look at what foods does your child love, like, and it's still learning.
You know, one of my children has a major sweet tooth and I think I've had to just come to terms with like this. Part of you, you know, I know her personality, I know her feet like food personality, and I know her food preferences and I don't want to vilify the things that she really enjoys, but I need to know how do these fit and how do I, you know, adapt how I'm feeding to her, because what brings her pleasure are not necessarily all the foods that are my priority from a nutritional perspective.
And so I think helping kind of journey through that with your child, you know? No. What are their love at foods? What are the things that they really just get so excited about and that they want second or third step, or that they ask of an excitement and things like that. And knowing that and learning to accept it, because I think a lot of us have been sought.
It have been taught to fight that sweet tooth or to fight, um, uh, you know, how many times as [00:25:00] moms can we say, I'm a sweet, you know, I have a sweet tooth or I'm all about like savory or I can't turn down a potato chip or, you know, like we all have our things, but I think we. Fed this message that we need to feel bad for, that we need to feel guilty.
There needs to be shame around that. And so we don't really trust ourselves around those foods because we've kind of been taught like you can't test yourself around that food. And yet I love hearing that story that you're saying about like that breakthrough that you've had, where all of a sudden, you're like, I have permission to enjoy these foods when I want to enjoy them.
But I also have the freedom to say no, because I know that there'll be other opportunities to eat them. At a time that they will feel good and they will, you know, fuel my body and the way that my body needs. And that's not always nutritionally, sometimes that is emotionally or socially or things like that.
And I think the more that we, you don't have to, I said a few times now, like just take a step back and evaluate as parents before we react, because. It's so much easier. I mean, we know this in all areas of motherhood, but it's so much [00:26:00] easier to like react in a moment than it is to like take a step back and reflect.
But I think if parents can see, like, where am I being triggered? Because I am really uncomfortable with how much my kid likes sweets. I had to realize that because. Everyone around me pointed out how much my daughter likes sweets. And it was like, yeah, she does, but I'm trying not to give her a complex. So can you stop mentioning it?
And so I think I had to do some reflective work first and then moving forward with a really proactive approach. I had to begin to identify like, what does this look like in our lives? So it's not even, and you know, she's eight now. So she is getting to be able to like, understand that a little bit more complicated of concepts.
But honestly, I think from a nutrition education perspective, the number one things we can do is role model and shape those healthy habits. It's not what you're saying. I do encourage parents to not say, you know, good, bad, unhealthy, healthy thing, you know, don't add moral value to fix. Which I think is our reactive approach is to [00:27:00] say, you can't have that.
That's too much sugar. You can't have that you've eaten too much junk food, you know, that's reactive. So I think oftentimes what comes out is reactive. But I think what we can do in being reflective is to not say anything, but instead to shape their eating habits. So this is the habits that were like, that were, you know, uh, practicing at home.
You know, how often are sweets offered? Are we allowing them to feel permission to eat them? Are they seeing. Enjoy a sweet without shame or guilt when we want it, but also freely pass it up. You know, I think for me, it's been a huge moment of food freedom for my, the times that I genuinely don't want something that I love, you know, sweets too.
And so it's like, I love them, but I also don't covet them the way I think I did at one stage of life where I felt like they were more off limits now I'm like, they're on limits. I don't have to have it today if I don't want it because it's going to be around again. And that's what I'm trying to role model to my kids is if you want it great.
Enjoy. That means you're not sneaking it. That means you're not having shame around it. That also means [00:28:00] you're not feeling like you have to like order access over it as if it's going to be gone forever because you never get to see it. There's not a scarcity mindset around it. And so I think what parents can do is shape their language around things like that.
You know, like you said, shape it to your kids of how will this make your body feel and, you know, eat until you're satisfied, but you don't have to eat it just because it's there. You know? And so I think the. The patterns we set up in terms of how we feed our kids are just as important, if not more important.
And then going with that, I do share tons of scripture suggestions with parents. It's kind of like, what do you say when, because obviously there's a million nuances to this of like, well, what about when this happens? Kind of thing. But I think in general, a lot of parents assume it's all about like, what do I say?
Like, how do I talk about candy? How do I talk about the foods that my kids live. And a lot of times, I just don't think that even as a dietician mom, often, I think I can do more harm than good. And what I'm saying about those foods than just in what I'm doing to shape their relationship with [00:29:00] those foods.
Oh wow. That's so interesting. And especially the self-reflection piece of, we need to do the work first, not only on ourselves, but for ourselves. So we can set the example for our kids, because if we're, if we're not living in. I mean, it's like that monkey see monkey do there. You know, it does not matter what we say about food to them, what we're doing, even when they don't necessarily see it.
It's like, they know they just have this, this, this knowing that we can't, we can't deny it. You know, it's there, that's very, very convicting and very. Not in like a negative shameful way, but a very like encouraging. There is always something we can do. And yes, there's always things we can be better at, but we're always in process.
We're always getting better. We're always growing. And I think that's encouraging to hear yeah, no matter where you're at. Absolutely. And I think it should empower moms to see that. You know, there's so much opportunity. We all have so much [00:30:00] opportunity in our own relationship with food to continue to grow.
But I think, you know, getting off like the sheds and oughts and things like that, you know, that we feel so much pressure to do our kids see that our kids experienced that through us when we ourselves feel food, freedom, you know, I, I know like you, like, I prefer a lot of just, you know, quote unquote healthier foods.
And you know, a lot of that is how I was raised and things like that, but that also encourages me. And how I'm raising my kids and I'm like, I'm shaping this environment. So this is their norm. That's on me. That's my job. But even more going a step further, you know, they are watching how I eat and, you know, the foods that I genuinely enjoy and I'm enjoying them.
I'm not doing that. I got to get a salad, but I really want this. Some of these little things that we even maybe say to our spouse that we don't think our kids are listening to, or if our kids are having something and we say, I can't, I should. I eat too much of this or, you know, I know, um, I think it's okay to say, but at the time of this recording, you know, you're on a vacation, that's like we're going into summer.
Families [00:31:00] are eating different. And I think it's really easy to kind of rebound from that and be like, I cheated, I did bad, you know, like we just say these things that I think. There's no guilt or shame. If you said these things to your kids, or if this is something that's been a part of your narrative, but I would say the first step is for parents, you know, to take a step back and kind of evaluate because, you know, just praying on what to evaluate right now.
It's not going to be all the things you can't do all the things at once. But I think if you can realize, like, what is the most problematic in my own relationship with food right now, and how has that maybe be projected on my kid and just work through one thing at a time? Because over time, you'll have worked through a lot of things in your own relationship with kid or with a few thing that relation to food and your kids are going to be blessed by that because they're going to be the by-product of my mom just showed this food freedom that she enjoyed this.
And, you know, she felt freedom to also have this. And it was just shown to them. But there wasn't as much like set around it. Yeah. Okay. So a lot of the [00:32:00] moms listening want to lose weight postpartum and they're in that season of, well, I know I need to eat a certain way. And even that, that phrasing is off in my opinion, like I need to eat this one way until I lose the weight.
Now you really just need to start seeing food holistically in a very different way. Start seeing nutrition and how you're fueling your body. In a different way. And honestly, I come across a lot of moms and work with a lot of moms who, until they get to that mindset, the way it really doesn't come off, because they do try to diet or try to eat healthy for a season and then just completely self-destruct and it's a back and forth, and I've been there.
I've been in that eat very healthy. And then, um, what's the word self. Uh, self-sabotage, I've done that rollercoaster for a long time in the past, and it doesn't work and you will never heal your actual mindset and relationship with food until you get out of that. [00:33:00] And even if you're trying to lose weight postpartum, I mean, it will come back on.
It will, you will gain it back. It's just, it's, it's a very self destructive cycle that is difficult to break free from, and truly. Be in a healthy place physically and mentally. So if mom, if a mom's in that, so I think we might've already kind of hit on this, but when a mom's in that season of wanting and, or meeting to lose weight, after having kids like personally, I needed to, after both where I would have been on a trajectory to be unhealthy and have lifestyle diseases down the road, that is why I lost weight postpartum.
Yeah. I feel better when I feel more confident when I have no more weight to lose, but it was, I mean, There's something to say about being overweight, having more weight on your body and your body is meant to carry. And that's where I was at after having kids. So that's why. Now, when it comes to food, that's like the foundation of weight loss.
So when a mom's in that season where she knows she needs to be [00:34:00] changing how she sees food and how she's eating food and fueling her body, and also wanting to set this example for her kids at the same time. But it's also trying to lose weight. It can feel like there's a cognitive dissonance, like a disconnect between those two things.
So how can she merge those together? How could she make weight loss and healing her own relationship with food so she can get to that weight loss? How could she. Make that cohesive with how she's working on nutrition with her kids. Does that question make sense? Yeah, absolutely. How can she make that one thing instead of these separate things that she's compartmentalizing?
Because I think that's what happens often. Mommy's trying to lose weight. So she's going to eat this way where we're going to continue this way with the family and the kids, or I'm just not going to talk about what I'm doing, because I don't want you to get this unhealthy view of, I mean, weight loss, isn't bad.
If you need to lose weight, it's not bad. It's okay to, for our kids to see us lose weight. So how could she make that cohesive within their household? Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, [00:35:00] depending on if this is a Mo. First child postpartum, you know, and they don't have, um, other kids that are kind of watching or observing what's going on.
Or if you know, she does have other kids in the home. I think that it's one where, you know, when we look at. Losing weight, you know, this, you know, it's, it's the food aspect and it's also the activity component. And then it's both of those together. And so the biggest thing that I can encourage moms to really do is whether you have kids at home outside of, you know, your infant or not.
Is to begin to see what lifestyle habits am I building. This is habit stacking. This is, you know, cultivating these over time in a sustainable way. So I think the trap that a lot of us fall into is we're really time bound with our goals and we set really unrealistic goals. So if this is a breastfeeding mom who has really high energy needs, and she's basically trying to starve herself, like she's setting her up herself up for failure.
If this is a mom who. Has a child who's still up numerous times in the night, and [00:36:00] she's trying to expend a lot of energy exercising. She's going to burn out and she's not going to have sustainable success. And so I think for moms to be, and you know, like I try and be really evidence-based, but grace laced, like I want moms to know that like, there is grace and motherhood, this is not a sprint.
And so I think the same way with feeding our kids, we can get really frustrated with, do we see the proof that our kids are healthy? Within a week within a month, within a year, I've been in this eight years and I'm still not where I want to go, but I know that I'm committed to the 18 years that my chil, you know, each child lives at home continuing to foster the habits, and those are going to evolve over time.
Those are going to shift and what they look like over time. But translating that to what it's like for a mom, particularly a mom postpartum, I think if they can begin to see what do I want life for me and my, for my child and our family to look. A year from now, this is not weight related. This is lifestyle related.
What do I want our life to look like? How many times [00:37:00] are we eating out? How many meals do I make a week? Does my husband's help make meals? Do we, you know, grocery shop regularly? Do we meal plan? Do we meal prep? I mean, all of these things in and of themselves are huge habits of their own to tackle, but I think we just assume, okay, I have 60 pounds of baby weight I want to lose.
So that is my goal. And we're just so hyper-focused on. That it's not sustainable. And a year from now, you may have not lost it. And then did you just lose a year's time because you were going for a goal that didn't take into account you were breastfeeding and had higher energy needs or that you were sleep deprived and didn't have, you know, the energy to expand on that much exercise and things like that.
But instead seeing like, you know, six months from now, when my baby is a six month old and we're introducing. What do I want life to look like? What habits do I want to be in place? Okay. A year from now and things like that, because I think as moms start seeing. How to bring the family as one, just as I encouraged families with a child who, you [00:38:00] know, may be larger or qualified as you know, higher on the growth charts or things like that, they may worry, like, does this child have a weight issue?
We never, ever should a child be targeted for their weight loss. This is a family approach. And I think that. Large way the mom needs to see this is a family approach. So if it's not something I'm comfortable doing with my kids or, you know, role modeling and shaping the feeding environment of, for my husband, then it may not be something that's really healthy or sustainable for me because at the family approach.
And so it's. This is what I do. And this is what my kids do because that's not going to be sustainable. I mean, we don't want to make two, three meals for our kids and shorter to cook for them. We also, again, that's not sustainable if we're doing it for us. So if we're making them one thing and we're making ourself one thing that should show there's a disconnect, just the way I would tell people.
If you're cooking a separate meal for your kid, then you're making for yourself. There is a disconnect we need to align. So I think, you know, for a moms postpartum to look at like, what do you have the capacity for? What can you do from an eating perspective? You know, especially like where are your [00:39:00] energy needs, making sure that you're providing your body time to heal, but also, you know, hitting some of those objectives of, you know, if I want to lose postpartum weight, how can I sustainably do this?
Maybe I can do it in a year. Maybe I lose it in three years. Maybe my body shifts and changes, but gain strength, you know? But I think, you know, as your exercises, including your kids, I know you and I are both huge on like, you know, we exercise with our kids around. Like there are most of the time, either kids in the stroller or kids at my feet or kids climbing on my back when I'm trying to do a plank, like that's just, but that's sustainable.
That's how we met. As moms. And so they're not disconnected from, well before I was a mom, I could go to my, go to the gym on my lunch break. That might not be the reality anymore. So I think the more that we can bring our kids into this and see like, is this a sustainable exercise habit? Is this a sustainable eating habit that I can continue to do?
With my family and for my family. So is it meal planning? Is it PR I think there's just so many [00:40:00] layers that we can continue to build, but I would urge moms to not expect in that early postpartum window. These aren't habits that you've done before. You know that first year of having an infant is not going to be your typically your most like successful year with like implementing all these new habits.
But over time, you know, a lot of my best strategies and systems have come in that window because it was like survival mode. What's the thing I need most right now. Okay. That's natural. Okay. DIY dinner bed, but it's like each postpartum has built on itself. These weren't strategies I knew of going into it.
So I would just encourage moms to kind of like. You know what we'll help them reach their goals, but also how can their family, you know, come alongside them and how can they come alongside their family to kind of build family lifestyle goals. Oh, that's so good. Big picture view on all of it, because that's, that's how you bring it all together and make it not I'm doing this, we're doing this and it's all these different things to manage.
It really makes, makes it so much easier. Yeah. [00:41:00] When you're looking at it big picture and saying, this is how we're going to do it as a family. And I'm going to benefit from it in the way that I'm going to lose weight, which is awesome. But we're all going to benefit by creating healthier. All together and that's just amazing and it doesn't have to be okay.
Now, husband, I'm changing up all the foods you like, you know, it can be starting with just meal prepping or eating breakfast together as a family. That's something we've done since before. I mean, now my husband and I together, but like I've always cooked breakfast since I can ever remember. And so that's something that was simple for me to work in after kids.
You know, there were other habits I had to learn how to rebuild after each child was born. So man, that was so helpful. And so encouraging Ashley, you know, you're a wealth of information I've loved learning from you. So tell the listeners where they can find you and follow you and get all the goodness on just simple eating strategies, um, for moms and families.
Yeah. Well, thank you so much for having me. It was [00:42:00] fun to get to chat with you today. Uh, if moms want to continue to stay connected, they can join my Facebook community over at simple meals and snack ideas or on my podcast, the veggies and virtue podcast. Um, I'm kind of veggies and virtue across the board.
So that's my website, my Instagram, my Facebook. I'd love to connect with moms wherever it works for them to do that. Yay. Thank you. One last question I love to ask my guests is around the definition of tough love. It basically means that you care about someone you care about who it is. You're serving so much that you're just going to shoot straight with them, not beat around the Bush.
So for the person listening for the mom, listening today, what is some tough love you want to leave her with? So she, she leaves this, this interview just equipped and encouraged and her feeding journey. I think the biggest thing I would say is just to know, not with guilt or shame, but to know that they're the nutritional gatekeeper.
So they get to decide what they let in and what they let out. And that doesn't even mean. I think we talked a lot today, not so much about the specific foods that they're grocery [00:43:00] shopping for, you know, allowing in and out of their fridge. But what messages are they allowing in and out what habits in their home are they allowing in and out that they get to be the gatekeeper of, and they get to decide, you know, how do they want to shape that feeding environment within the walls of their home?
And, you know, to just be encouraged to pick one thing, pick one thing right now, from today that they were like, that really stood out to me. That's the thing I'm not doing that resonates with where I'm at right now. And doesn't feel. Something, I can't do that. I feel guilty that I should do, but this is something that just hits the nail on the head with where our family's at, and I can start doing this one thing to be the gatekeeper of that thing.
And then as that habit, you know, it gets instilled then move on to the next thing, but continue to just grow in that role as a nutritional gatekeeper. Yes. Amen. So good. Thank you again so much, Ashley. Yes. Thank you so much for having. Wow, what an awesome conversation. Right? I loved, Ashley's simple, simple approach to thinking about what food is offered [00:44:00] when food is offered and where food is offered, because we are the gatekeepers of those things.
And that is where we can start and then thinking of foods instead of just healthy and not healthy, or the different macronutrients that they are thinking for our children about foods that. Foods they love and foods. They're still learning and trying to combine their plates with those different things.
That's such a simple way to approach nutrition and a simple way to help cultivate their palettes and their eating style and still help them as they grow in these healthy habits down the road. Again, evaluate before you react. Take that second to pause. I know you hear me talk about that all the time, but Ashley talked about that too.
Just take a second to evaluate, instead of just react when it comes to feeding your kids. And I think the biggest thing I took away today was not to add moral value to. More to the choices around food. We are not good or bad because the choices we are making or aren't making, and our children are [00:45:00] the same.
Don't add moral value to food. Take, take this approach and what you learned today to create a holistic family approach, not just to nutrition, but to your habits and to how you're showing up. Think about what do you want life to look like a year from now, like Ashley said and let her. Decide. What do you want your life to look like?
Your habits, your nutrition, your family, the feeling under your roof. What do you want that to be a year from now? And what can you do today to start cultivating that within your house? And let Ashley now go follow her budgies and virtue go subscribe to her podcast. It is phenomenal. It is so helpful when it comes to feeding your kids and let her know how today's episode encouraged you, what you learned and what you're going to start doing to.
To make your household the way you want it to be a year from now, with your habits as a whole family. So proud of you for applying what you're learning and getting to listen in today. Go get after it. Mama, before you go. Thank you for spending this time with me on the tough love mom podcast. If this episode encouraged you in any [00:46:00] way, the number one way you can thank me is to leave her a review.
Letting me know how the show has impacted you. Then send this episode to another mom friend or. Take a screenshot posted on social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me on this journey to impact thousands of moms. I'm so grateful to be out of starting with your sister until next time.
Get after it.
