Balancing Discipline with Giving Yourself Grace
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I know YOU know the importance of discipline and consistency, but how should we approach that when seasons shift? When priorities change? How do we BALANCE discipline with being RESPONSIVE to life going on around us as moms?
There's no one better to have this conversation with than my good friend, Cason Schulze! She's a fellow top-ranked podcast host, wife, and mom of 3 girls. On her podcast Her Pursuit, Cason encourages and equips moms with realistic rhythms so you can steward your time well! We've both been navigating this exact topic we're talking about today, so I know this will bless you! Enjoy!
Connect with Cason!
Her Pursuit Podcast
Instagram: @heyitscason
Most of my conversations with Cason lately have centered around being faithful and steadfast in our actions and RESPONSIVE to life going on around us. I believe this conversation is one that spans all areas of motherhood and is one that needs to be heard by ALL moms!
HOW TO DO IT —
Have someone in your corner
Someone on the same path who is like-minded
Keeping it all in is unhealthy
Take an aerial view — What is going on here?
Consider: stage of life, events around you, where your time is going, etc
See your circumstances for WHAT THEY ARE
You’re simply taking an inventory
Determine what a realistic expectation is…
…For how you spend your time
…For sacrificing what you truly want right NOW
We spend our time on what we value and see as most important
Give yourself grace
How would you encourage a friend walking what you’re walking? Be HER for YOU!
Be your own best friend
REEVALUATE & RESPOND accordingly
Red flags to look out for that indicate moving away from this “balance”
Reacting
Being emotionally charged
Motivation severely lacking
Thoughts stuck in a negative loop
Are you ready to go from overwhelmed and stuck to disciplined and consistent in your journey?
Book your Starting Point Session and let's get you on track to your healthiest life!
FULL TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] I know you fullheartedly understand the importance of discipline and consistency in your journey, but what do you do when seasons shift and change and how do you respond to that in a way that both honors where you're at, but still allows you to show up in a way that is you living in your full potential.
How do we strike that balance? How do we figure that? Well today, you get to hear from my good friend Kason and she is a podcast host just like me. Her podcast is her pursuit. It's phenomenal motherhood podcast. She's also a wife and a girl, mom of three, and she also just started homeschooling. So when I say that both of us have walked
What we're gonna talk about today in the last couple months. I mean, it like, we are both in the thick of it with you trying to strike this balance. What Cason does is encourages and equips moms with realistic rhythms so that they can steward their time well, and create an intentional life that they're proud of.
Not someday when, but like right now, she's very good and very practical about the advice that she gives. Uh, we talk, both of us have been, [00:01:00] like I said, in the thick of all of this recently, and we've done a lot of talking back and forth about. You know, bouncing ideas off of each other, getting feedback, getting accountability.
And so I wanna bring our conversation about it to you guys kind of being on the other side of it now, but also very transparent about what the last few months have looked like for both of us, because I know. As a listener of this podcast, you understand the importance of consistency, but there is a balance we need to strike when seasons change, when life brings different circumstances.
And I'm excited because this will bless you. Big time. Let's go.
Hey, mama. Welcome to the tough love mom podcast. I know you're here because you're ready to get consistent and finally lose that weight. And you're not afraid of a little tough love, you know, what to do to lose weight. But following through on those things feels impossible. You wish you could just feel like you're strong, confident self again, and want to be good [00:02:00] example for your little ones, but you get thrown off by mom guilt and the unpredictability of motherhood.
Frustrating taking on your journey. Postpartum is hard, but it's not impossible. Hey, I'm Liz and I've been where you are. I gained a lot of weight in my pregnancies, 90 pounds, and then 60 pounds. I needed to lose that weight to take control of my health. And honestly just wanted to feel like myself again with a sustainable approach to weight loss, simple consistency in working on my mindset.
I lost it all in just over a year. Both. And I'm here to help you do the same. I believe that we have an ingrained ability to figure out what we need to do, make it happen and do it in a way that AWS the world, if you're ready to stop falling off the wagon, create solid routine and healthy habits and finally feel your best inside and out all will enjoying D nuggets on your salad.
You are in the right place. We're about to transform your journey. My. Get pumped up. It is tough. Love time.[00:03:00]
Welcome Cason. I'm so glad that you're here today. Um, tell your, tell the listeners really quick about you, your family, just who you are, like give them, give. I gave a little intro on you, but, uh, give them your side of the story, who you are. Well, thank you so much for having me, Liz. I'm excited to chat. And I'm really excited about this conversation.
Um, I am a mom to three little girls, a wife to my husband. We met as teenagers dated on and off through high school, college got engaged, married, and then we have three little girls. They are seven, one just turned five and two, and I'm recently a homeschool mom. So I'm trying to figure that out with the oldest.
Um, I have a podcast. Her pursuit. And it's really just about helping moms kind of reclaim their lives and reclaim motherhood. Um, and that comes from a really personal place for me. Um, There was a lot of overwhelm. There was a lot of isolation, a lot of unmet [00:04:00] expectation, just really my transition into motherhood didn't really look like what I thought it was going to or what I thought it should look like.
And so there was a disconnect there for me, and I really wrestled through that in the beginning and it wasn't until I kind of reclaimed. My mindset, my time and started taking ownership of my life. And my days that, you know, I really started to see this change and this shift. And so now my mission really is to, to just empower moms to do the same thing.
So that's a little bit about me and when I'm not trying to figure out homeschooling, I am doing things with a podcast. So it's kind of. As you know, a whirlwind of motherhood. And as, as all the moms listening know, it's just, it's mom life. If it's not one thing it's another, and we are all really trying to figure it out as we go.
Yeah. You took the words right. Outta my mouth. I was like, so you're basically figuring it out as you go day by day. Like the rest of us. Exactly. Yes. Pretty much spot on. So most of work are like, we talk a lot cuz as fellow podcasters and being on similar journey. [00:05:00] With our podcast right now, we've been really close to the last year almost, which is so cool.
Yeah. To think about that. It's been almost a year but uh, a lot of our conversations lately have been focused on balancing the priorities in our lives. Like. You know, overall big picture what's most important. What do I need to be pouring into right now while also honoring our families in our roles as mothers and being obedient in our decisions around our businesses in our time in our podcasts and serving the people that we feel called to serve.
Cuz there is that yes, like my family. My family is my biggest mission field, but I also have this other one that I feel very strongly called to. So how do I walk this fine line? How should I balance these things? And obviously the listeners here know the importance of consistency and discipline specifically in our journeys, but obviously that carries over into all other areas of our life.
How do you go? Like we've talked a lot lately, just about how can I. Not be so, so [00:06:00] one track minded on one thing and then lose my. My focus, my priority, my ability to pour into other things at the same time, it's like, we're trying to learn this balance that I don't think anyone ever really figures out, but we've both been walking that very deeply recently.
Yeah. And thankfully, I get to walk it alongside you, but a lot of our conversations have been around that and I've been really productive conversations. So I want the listeners to get like a inside perspective on that today, because I think a lot of moms need to hear it. Like you can be disciplined and consistent while also being responsive to.
Life going on around you. Mm-hmm again, it spans all areas. I think it needs to be heard and I feel. Recently , you've become like the queen of figuring that out. Like just being very obedient and having that clarity around that, um, and being steadfast in your actions still while just being responsive to, yeah.
What's going on around you and what the Lord is telling you, both of us are Christians. So that will come in up a [00:07:00] lot in this conversation. Mm-hmm, take with that what you want, but you know, that's something we both, the Lord is something we both want to honor with everything we do as well. Yeah. What do you wanna say about that?
And like, what's been coming up for you and how has, how has all that been playing out? Because, um, I think it'll help moms feel a little more feel like, okay, I'm not the only one, but also like, what can I do about this? Cuz it's so frustrating sometimes when you're stuck in the middle yeah, no, I would love to pull back the curtain.
That is what that's the queen of pulling back the curtain. I'm like welcome in everyone. Be yeah, this is how it really is. Okay. And like you said, I. I am so thankful to have Liz in my life. She has become a dear friend of mine over almost a year, which is crazy to think about, like you said, but. I think that's number one key.
You have to find someone who will be in your corner, who is like-minded, who is on the same path who understands. So like Liz said, we are walking a lot [00:08:00] of the same things at the same time and, and it's been really cool to walk through some of the same seasons and have some of the same realizations, just even over the summer recently.
And. So that's the first thing is like, you have to find a support system of some sort, whether that's your spouse, you know, a church friend, a friend, and a mom group, like a therapist, you have to find someone that you can have that outlet. And, and let them know what you're feeling and what's really going on because when you hold all of that in, and I'm gonna get to this later, I'm sure when you hold all of that in and you try to just press on, it's really, really unhealthy.
And, and the body always wins and it will come out and, and all of that. So yeah, ASLA said she has been walking with me through this. Um, and, and what I want you to hear mama as a listener, is that just, like she said, it is so important for you to remember. No one, not her, nor I, nor anyone else that you may look up to or, you know, follow on Instagram or anything else.
No one has [00:09:00] it all together. All of the time. And there are seasons where we are wrestling through these things with you. And so the first thing that I like to do just very on a practical level is to like step back and try to get out of my head and out of my emotions and say, okay, take an aerial view of my life.
It's so much easier to like zoom out and ask myself where is like, what is actually going on here? Where is my time going every day? What stage of life am I in? What events are going on around me. What are my circumstances? You know, sometimes just taking note of these very concrete, like black and white answers, note, noting any major changes or transitionings that are happening, like you're packing and moving, or you're about to give birth.
You just had a baby. Your job is changing. You decide a homeschool for the first time ever. Like. You have to kind of see your, your situation and your circumstances for what they are, because I think it's really easy for us to just gloss over and think, okay, well, I can just keep [00:10:00] the same pace, the same rhythm when your life is literally drastically changing and.
Then the next thing for me is just asking myself, okay, what's a realistic expectation here for how I can show up in all of the different areas that are important to me. I know Liz, you talked to your listeners about priorities and how we can create discipline around those things. But we have to ask ourselves, how am I going to realistically be able to spend my time in these different areas.
As I transition through this season and learn what it looks like to have my new normal. And like I said, we have to be honest about the way that we're feeling, because sometimes we don't have as much time for the things that are really, really important to us or the things that we really, really want to do.
You know, as a new mom, you face that sacrifice and that's not always fun. I don't think a lot of moms talk about that, but for me, at least there was a lot of, you know, acknowledging what I lost. [00:11:00] Whether that was part of my identity, whether it was part of my time, you know, your freedom in a way. And it's not that you don't love it.
It, it can be both, you know, but we have to acknowledge that there is a real life emotional response that we are experiencing and walking through as these things are changing and transitioning for us. Yeah. That's a good point that there's like that sacrifice that comes in and you can't. Just brush it under the rug.
That's something I do a lot. And that's like my response to a lot of things is, oh, I'll deal with this later. I'll brush it under the rug. And when you're in the midst of, like you said, that transition or your circumstances are different than they've been before, or they're different than they were a few months ago.
If you don't take that into account, you just try to press on, or you just sweep things onto the rug. It's going. Bring up all of this stress and confusion and chaos in your life that doesn't really need to be there. If you just took, um, took a minute to like look at things. So when you say I'm gonna take it back to [00:12:00] like taking that aerial view mm-hmm and saying, okay, where is my time going?
What really are my circumstances right now? And I think what's good to do in this. Moment when you're doing that, taking that aerial view is not looking at other people's lives, not saying, what is this person doing? What is that podcast? Like? What is Liz doing? What is Kaison doing? Don't do that. It's no, what is what's going on in my life?
Under my roof between these four walls, because like it's so individual to each person, what I'm going through right now. Pre move two kids at home the last two months, trying to run the podcast, you know, trying to be a mom, trying to coordinate everything. All of that going on at the same time is different than anyone else's circumstances.
Like no one is in my exact shoes. No, one's in your exact shoes. So you have to just look at your situation for what is and say what is going on right now. But when you say that, when you're like, okay, take this aerial of you and take everything into. When does that happen? Like, are you sitting down after the kids go to bed with a notebook?
Are you, you [00:13:00] know, getting up at 5:00 AM every morning and looking at it day by day? Like, what does that actually look like? What does that mean? You know? Yeah. People always say like, okay, take bit. And I say it too, so I'm totally guilty, but take a big picture of you or take a step. Like what does it mean to actually do that to you?
Yeah. Cause you're very practical in the advice. Yes. Yes. Practical, because that is the only way that my brain works. I'm like, give me the steps. Tell me what to do and I'll do it. exactly. Tell me what to do. And I'll. And so that really does look like you, either. Number one, finding the space, creating the space or the time to sit down and do that.
I literally just did this this morning. This is Saturday morning. and when we're recording this and I sat down and I told my husband, I said, I'm looking at the week right now. And I was literally writing down hour by hour. What we're going to be doing, what I'm gonna be doing if I'm with my kids, if I'm homeschooling, I'm writing that.
And, and you could also call this time blocking. I know you've talked about this before. Um, it's kind of looking at your schedule, but I think even more than that, I would carve out time in your day [00:14:00] and, and commit to it and make sure you follow through to. Journal through what your life circumstances look like right now.
I mean, for me, that just looks like sometimes literally writing. I've got three kids there, three small kids, seven and under, um, you know, I've got on Mondays and Fridays. I've got my, the little one with me and then I'm trying to figure out homeschooling. I kind of just. It's almost like this dose of reality.
And this reminder that like Kason, this is your season right now. Mm-hmm number one. It's not gonna last forever, but number two, this is just where you are. And there are gonna be things that you really wanna do that you don't have the capacity or the energy to do or the time. And that's okay. so I journal a lot.
I write a lot of things out, but I think whenever I talk about taking an aerial view and that, that overview of life, I it's more for me just like this reminder of, okay. What, what is going on in my life right now. And for me personally, that looks like we're transitioning into back to school season [00:15:00] and it looks like homeschooling for the first time.
It looks like trying to maintain and run the podcast while. Keeping, you know, a household and being a wife and, you know, church thinks and all these other things. So whenever I'm sitting down and writing through, you know, this is kind of getting into the weeds a little bit, but I do. I think it's important to make the point is that, you know, none of us have this abundance of time.
Yeah. Everyone is busy. And so if you never stop to kind of like put the stake in the ground and literally write the things down. At least to take inventory and say, okay, well, you know, from eight to 11, I'm homeschooling and then 11 to 12, I'm driving. And then 12 to one, I'm doing lunch and getting the kids down.
And then from one to hopefully three, I'll have a little bit of time to myself because then that shows me where I have some time to do the things that I'm saying that I wanna do. But I'm saying I don't have the time to do. and then, you know, we can have the discipline to do those things in those little pockets of time and they really don't take us as long as we think they do.
Right. We just get so [00:16:00] distracted about like, with all these other things and. I know you talk a lot about that as well, but yeah, that's kind of what, I mean, whenever I say, just kinda like take taking this, like zooming out, looking at your life, what does it look like? And then figuring out, okay, how can I show up realistically and in to what capacity, you know, in this season right now?
Yeah, they're really, for me. That's changing on a weekly basis right now, which is driving me crazy. I cannot like I'm struggling because January to like, may, it was like a nice flow. I knew what was coming. It was like a time block. And now it's like week to week, day to day. And it is a lot of moving parts and I'm not okay.
I'm I am okay. But I feel like some days I'm like, I am not okay with this God. yes. Uh, you. Brought it up already. You said the word discipline, but the whole time we were talking, I was like, well, this is where the discipline comes in. Like it is, it is a piece of this. It has to be a piece of our life at all times.
If we're not dis, if we lack discipline one, we're not living a godly life. We're not [00:17:00] honoring the Lord with how we're living, but two we're we're gonna flow. Like when you're not disciplined, you, what's the word not float. Um, drift. Right. You drift, you have to be anchored. You have to be anchored to something and your rhythms can be that thing for you.
Yeah. A hundred percent. And the rhythms, like you talk about time blocking and being very specific hour to hour, I'm still kind of in a season where I'm like, all right, in the morning, we're gonna go run this errand. And I know I wanna get this one thing done, but I'm like one thing, like, I really don't, I'm not like, okay, here's a list to do list of four things.
So I kind of approach it slightly differently just because my kids are a little younger and life is a little more unpredictable right now. And not unpredictable inconsistent. Like my husband's hours are all over the place. Right. So that's part of it. But the discipline you said being anchored, and when you were talking about writing it down, there's something about having pen to paper that is very powerful, especially when.
You feel like very out of control, but use the word anchored. And what kept coming to mind to me [00:18:00] was grounded. Like this keeps you grounded in reality, mm-hmm because I think we lose touch of reality when we are not constantly taking inventory of what are my circumstances? What is life dealing me right now?
You know, what are the cards I'm being dealt? How can I, how can I handle them? How can I play these cards? and make. Sustainable and make it something that I can live out day to day and not feel overwhelmed, not feel stressed because I think all of those feelings and a lot of my community talks about feeling overwhelmed, talks about feeling that there's too much on your plate.
And I know yours says too, I think it's a cross motherhood. Mm-hmm , you know, it's just a commonality we all have, but it's probably because we lose touch of reality so easily and not like the reality of motherhood. We all know it's hard. It has its struggles. But the reality of our own lives, like what is going on and that practice of, I mean, I mean, I'm a big list person.
I have like all these I'm showing Cason right now. I've got like probably 10 of these little sticking out notepads that have the lines. They're like [00:19:00] half a sheet of paper size. They're perfect. I love them. , but I'll just, oops, I'm picking up my pen. Like I'm literally doing it right now, but I'll just have days where I'm like, all right, these are like the things we have at certain times of the day.
These are the specific things that are big to do items I need to get done. And if the rest needs to fall to tomorrow, I can do that. And that's kind of how I focus my reality. I'm like, what do I have today? What does need to get done? And I can let go of the rest without feeling that stress on my life. Um, okay.
So let's transition into that real realistic expect. Yeah, of how you're spending your time. Um, and all of that again, practically, what does that look like? Creating? So you're grounded in you're anchored in what actually is going on in your life. How do you then plug into the pieces that make it realistic, make everything doable that you wanna do?
A lot of the. When I'm talking to moms, they're like, you do so much, like you're home with your kids. Your husband's gone a lot. We're busy with weird hours and you're running a podcast and like, how do you do all that? And I'm like, well, [00:20:00] it just fits in. Um, I don't know how to explain it, but I think you could probably explain it really well.
Just the pieces that, how they, how they get put together in a realistic. I think that the, the hard truth that no one wants to hear, not even me, is that we're what's spaces for . We are all spending our time on what we believe is most important. Mm. Like, regardless of where, where you're spending your time and where your time is going is what you are valuing.
It's what you, it's the most important thing to you now, if it's not actually, you know, in that reality that you've grounded yourself and said, these are my priorities. This is actually what's most important to me. Then we have to say, okay, well then what's stealing your time. Where is it going? And why do we not have boundaries set up around those things to where that's not happening?
Mm-hmm , you know, sometimes that can look like good things in different seasons. We have to say no, when we need to say no and say yes to the, [00:21:00] the, what needs to be said yes to, and that's definitely a personal thing to everybody, but we have to kind of say, okay, This season right now, if I kind of like reign it all in to Cason, these are my priorities.
This is where I want my time to go. And these are the people that I'm gonna be spending my time with. So everything else has gotta kind of be adapted right now. Like, I, I might have to say no to this good thing. Maybe it's, you know, volunteering or maybe it's whatever, like, I don't, you it's so personal to everyone and just for a season, right.
Until you kind of get into that groove or until you transition to the next season, that's, you're not, you don't feel so pressed for time or whatever it is that you're dealing with. And this is so individual. So I feel like I'm not trying to make a bla blanket statement, but I do think. If we were to all be honest with ourselves, we do have more time than we're giving ourselves credit for and more time than we even realized.
So I think that's why the time inventory and literally [00:22:00] writing down every like hour by hour, what you're doing every day is so important because it's, it's like putting a mirror up and saying, this is where your time is going. And you either are happy with that. You're you like it you're satisfied or you're not.
And then when you're not, you have to just have the courage to do something about it and to change it and shift it. Yeah. And, um, so I think that it does look like sometimes little pockets of like 10 minutes or five minutes or 20 minutes or 30 minutes, maybe an hour. But we have to be aware of when those things are gonna come up and have a plan for it.
Right. Because you know, as, as best we can, we don't always know. But if we know that the baby tends to nap during this time, period, well, what needs to be done? And that doesn't always look like a house chore. It doesn't always look like work or anything else. It might look like a nap. It might look like a shower and getting ready, putting on some makeup, like doing something for yourself.
I'm kind of big on that, like self-care and soul care, and that's really important. And so it's just really getting to know [00:23:00] yourself and knowing what you need in this season. Which again comes back to, you know, knowing your season and knowing where you're at. Yeah. Yeah. And then that all, it's almost like this, this circle, this it is this circle.
It really is. It's grounded in what, what is right now? What is my life like? What are my circumstances? Respond. Okay. Reevaluate and respond. Maybe that's the thing. Reevaluate and respond . Yeah. And it's like in the moment too, because there are some moments where I, I need the nap or I need the shower or I need to do the exercise, but then there's other times where I really need to just get the laundry off the couch to been there for like two weeks, because that would make me feel better.
And then I have more mental space to take on the next thing. Moment to moment, day by day. Like I said, yeah, I was like, in a nutshell, you're almost doing this, this not just on a weekly basis or a monthly basis, but it happens like moment to moment too, when you're, it's like you recognize this feeling. And I, I find myself doing this often, but you recognize, Ooh, like this happens to me a lot.
I, this is the best example I can come up with. I get up [00:24:00] really early in the morning. I know you do too, but when I get up, I get up so I can get my workout in because I really just in, in the season, I don't wanna do it with my kids around sometimes I do. I'm not in that season right now. so I need to get up well before my children who wake up at like six 15 to do that.
And there's lots of mornings when I wake up tired and not fully rested and I, I have to go, okay, what do I have going on today? is it gonna be a day where I can get my workout in and mentally I'll feel good about it. Even if my kids are around, like, will I be able to do that? Will I have the capacity to still be patient with my kids?
Or do I need to just be disciplined right now and get my butt out of bed and just work out, even though I'm tired. Mm-hmm I have to do that. Like probably. 50% of the time and go, right. Is it worth it right now to sleep in? Cause I don't feel like getting up or later on when I'm paying the price of doing this workout with my children.
Am I gonna lose my patients? Am I not gonna be the mom? I wanna be for them because I made this decision this morning in the moment that felt better, you know? Right. And that's [00:25:00] kind of, I have to do that a lot in the moment and I love how you're saying the laundry and all of that getting done. It's like, what is this gonna do for me later if I do it now, even if I don't feel like.
Yeah. Something that we've been talking about a lot, actually on Sundays in church, which is so funny, cuz it's not like a church faith thing, but it's like this idea that the choices that you are making today, like right now are gonna affect. Not like tomorrow, but like a month from now three months from now, six months from now a year from now, there's like this domino effect.
And I think sometimes, especially as moms we're so like narrow sighted, and we're like, okay, what is in front of me in this moment? And just making decisions based on the. What feels good. And I know I said just, I know that I just said, do what feels good or what you need, but I think hopefully your listeners, I know you talk about the difference of like what you feel you need and what, like you actually need need mm-hmm but not, not emotionally.
Making decisions, but knowing yourself in a way, and you know, like, you know, if you are making [00:26:00] excuses for yourself or if it's actually what you need to do, like sitting on the couch and watching a show on Netflix, I'm not against that. I do that from time to time. Like, there's nothing wrong with that.
It's just like, you have to know, okay, am I checking out? Am I like coping in an unhealthy way? Is this actually what I need? Or is this not healthy for me? But you know, the awareness that this matters. It doesn't just matter for right now, for me, it's gonna matter for the me. That's gonna still be here in six months.
Like the me a year from now, this is affecting like, you're essentially planting seeds every day that are gonna harvest. Like, you're gonna sew that one day. Like you're gonna reap what you sew. So you're sewing now. I think I set that backwards, but essentially your decisions have consequences. And so thinking, okay right now in what you just said right now, I, in the moment I don't wanna get out of this bed, but.
Me six months from now is gonna be really glad that I got up out of this bed. You know, these mornings consecutively and got these workouts in because it matters. It matters [00:27:00] for how you're, I mean, how you're living your days every day is essentially how you're living your life. Mm-hmm and we all wanna do that.
Well, we all wanna be disciplined. We all wanna be connected and grounded and present. We wanna enjoy these little years. And the truth is, is that one day we're gonna look up in. The kids are gonna be right there, like eye to eye. They're not gonna be down me level. Like they're gonna be teenagers, they're gonna be driving.
And I think what we fail to, to recognize sometimes in this season, because it's so hard is just that these choices and these, these decisions do matter. They hold weight and we, we're not gonna see it now all the time. It's not gonna be an immediate return. But, and I'm trusting because obviously I've never, I don't have teenagers or grown kids, but I'm just trusting that, you know, down the road one day, we're going to kind of see the reward of, of everything that we've done now.
Like those decisions will pay off. And I think it's like that delayed [00:28:00] gratification, you know? Yeah. Which is really hard in the moment to like sacrifice now for. Later, if that makes sense. It totally does. And you think about it practically it's things like back to that example I gave, if I get up and get my workout done with my kids or without my kids, before they wake up that morning, I might have time to go take 'em to the splash pad, take 'em to the park, right.
Play in the backyard instead of, okay. This hour at 9:00 AM is about me and getting my workout done. And not that it's not a bad, it's not a bad thing. It's not a, that's the thing. It's not. Right. And seeing me work out them getting that independent play time is good. Mm-hmm like, it's not a bad thing, but there's that balances of that's best.
Yeah. There's that balance of what's best for you. Yeah. Right now for everyone it's like this whole cohesive, we're taking a lot in and yeah, you said it as moms. We're very like, okay. Right. Respond to what's right in front of me. And I would even say. I feel like it's the difference between reacting and responding?
Yes. There's that? [00:29:00] Okay. Am I reacting in this moment or am I going to take a second? And I talk about this lot. It's like, okay, stop for five seconds. Take a breath. Like take a deep breath. So it might need 10 seconds cuz you're gonna breathe in for a couple, breathe out for a couple more and then decide like it's, that's all it takes to respond instead of react to a moment or to a decision when you're, when you're presented with.
Yeah. That's actually like a red flag for me. I kind of wanted to touch on that really quick. Just like some red flags of like that you might, yes, please do. Okay. Don't ask me how I know. Okay. Mamas don't ask me how I know these things. No, seriously. I'm just serious ever. I'm just gonna share like red flags for me are that I'm reacting to most of my day, instead of responding, like I'm emotionally charged, I'm lashing out and.
also like if motivation has disappeared, then I need to reevaluate and say, okay, there's too much here for some reason at some level. And I've gotta figure out, like I said, sometimes we, we should choose it even when we [00:30:00] don't feel like it. But. You know yourself and you know, when it's not just you not wanting to, or you actually not being able to, because something else is going on, whether that's like an emotional trigger or like we said, a big life shift something's happening.
And then also my mindset, like my thoughts, getting stuck. In the negative cycles or the negative loop or spiraling, um, those are all like red flags for me, where I'm like, okay, Caseon, you've gotta stop here. Your body is trying to tell you that something is happening, that whatever you're doing right now, in some ways not working.
So you've gotta figure out. Okay. And I literally do I take. Piece by piece. Okay. My husband, like my marriage. Okay. My kids. Okay. Homeschooling, okay. Case in self, like what is happening internally? Um, what thoughts do keep coming up and why? And let's figure that out, you know? So I kind of just take. I kind of take thing as not, not compartmentalized, but I evaluate each area and kind of get really real with myself because I think [00:31:00] otherwise, like, what's the point if I'm not gonna be real about it.
And if I can't just be honest with myself, then I'm really just doing myself a disservice. So getting really honest with where we're at. And then, like I said, having the courage and the boldness and the strength to make a different choice and do something different and change something. in your day. Yeah.
And that's where that discipline comes in. It's like, okay, I've recognized it now. I just need to follow through. And that's always the hardest part, but it's the most. Rewarding piece is when you do follow through, because that's when the growth happens. That's when the change happens. That's when you see that shift in your motivation or your ability to respond instead of react, like that's when that shift happens and we just have to have, I don't think we have to have, I think we do have the strength to follow through.
We just don't recognize it in ourselves enough. We don't, we don't call it out of ourselves enough, getting chills, like. We need to just recognize that we do have that ability and you just need to tap into it because the more you tap into it, the more accessible that well is going to become [00:32:00] mm-hmm . So on the same, on the same page, I, I know what it's like to feel that mental strength and then also kind of be.
Through a series of circumstances and time over time, kind of be back in that place of survival mode. Because as you know, I've been telling you that, like, I feel like I've kind of been there recently with just all the things that are going on, and that's why it's so important to evaluate, because I can say, okay, if it were just me transitioning in homeschooling, I think I might have, could have managed that a little bit better, but I've kind of got this list going on, cuz then it was this and this and this and this and this.
So it's been a lot and I've felt like, okay, I feel like the water. Eye level. And I don't really know how I'm gonna keep going, but it's so funny because my daughter's homeschool study book. It ha like what they talked about persevering this week. And I'm like, okay, God, that was clearly for me. So persevering and just doing the hard thing and like, As, like you said, as women of faith, we just trust that like the Lord's walking with us and we [00:33:00] remember like his past faithfulness.
And honestly, like sometimes as a Christian mama, that's really, all we have is like the hope that he hasn't left you and that he's gonna see you through just like he has before, because I don't know about anybody else listening, but I've been there before and I made it through and hopefully I'm walking it a little bit better this time, you know, living it well, stewarding, stewarding the season.
Well, but just holding onto that hope. I just don't. I know that it's hard in the moment, but I also hold onto the hope that like, nothing is wasted. And so if it's to encourage others, maybe you're encouraging another mom friend, maybe you're encouraging a sister, a cousin, a coworker, somebody else who's gonna be walking through this same kind of rough patch or season.
And maybe it's not even the same. Maybe she's just having a hard time, then we're gonna be able to relate to them on another level. Nobody else is gonna be able to. Yeah. So sometimes that really is what I have to hold onto is like the mindset piece of, you know, that perspective. Yeah. And I can even see the fact that.
when you walk [00:34:00] through something like that, there might be a time again, down the road where you have to walk through it. Similarly, you have to walk through that struggle, that rough patch again, and you can call back on when you did prior and say, I've done this before, like, right. I mean, my husband been deployed twice.
The first time was with one child. The second time was, was with two. So I could call back on that first time saying, okay, like the pandemic started during the first one I was pregnant. I didn't know if he was coming home for the birth. Like I had all these things that I walked through the first time and I walked through.
Pretty well, like from just looking back and like, I get myself a pat on the back for that, but it really helped me the second time around when I had 202 by myself, still in the middle of a pandemic, I was like, I can do this. Like I've and it's because I could call back on that. So even if it's to encourage yourself for a future struggle down the road, like we have that to call back on and like, yes, there's a lot that we can do and follow through on the help strengthen you.
But. I mean, whether the [00:35:00] person listening right now is a Christian or not like there are, there are powers of beef. I believe it's the Lord that are working in your life for your good, um, for just, just to help point you back to him and say, Hey, like there's someone on your side right now. There is someone who loves you.
There is someone who is trying to point you back to him and, um, I don't know, we're just held up by so much. And I think when we give in too much to the negative, when we give in too much to our circumstances, we're taking away his ability to work in our life, you know, for sure. Yeah, definitely. Total tangent there.
Um, anything else you wanna share about this whole, like balance between discipline and consistency and responding to where you're at in your life that you wanna share? Yeah. I think the last thing that I would say is. Kind of on that same note is giving yourself grace. And I know that that's like such an overused phrase in the mom world is like, give yourself grace and give yourself grace.
But truly like, just, [00:36:00] and I guess it would be more of like, just see if you were looking at a friend who was going through the same things that you're walking through with the same exact circumstances, how would you treat her? How would you encourage her? And, you know, something that I say a lot when I share my story is like finding my way kind of back to myself was like, I had to realize nobody was coming to do this for me.
And I had to like show up for myself. I had to be my own best friend. And so be your own best friend through this really hard season. And don't let yourself like slack too much. Like. Just think about, okay, how can I show up realistically? And what does that look like? And then on the really, really hard days, we do give ourselves grace, we do encourage ourselves and we say, you know what?
It's okay. I get to try again. I get to start again. Tomorrow's a new day and just not giving up on yourself, not giving up on the goals, the dreams, the things that you've decided that are important to you. Never stop chasing those things, regardless of, if you have to slow down and pull back during some seasons, now I'm gonna [00:37:00] get chills.
Liz knows I will straight up cry. I'm not gonna cry. We've done really good. I haven't had any tears, but just not giving up on that. It's going to look different through different seasons. You're gonna have to slow down. You're gonna have to pull back and that's okay. And then before you know, it, we really will be into the next season where it's like a green light and you can run full speed again, and you can do all the things and have the capacity and the time and the men's energy.
To do that. So yeah, just giving yourself grace. Yeah. In those moments when it's really tough. Giving yourself that grace saying, I can slow down, but then knowing I'm not going to let that carry on tomorrow. Because again, you get that, you get the opportunity each day that you wake up to reevaluate. Like if you need to do this process on a daily basis where you're writing down, what is my current circumstances what's today gonna look like, what can I prioritize?
How can I spend my time wisely? How can I just honor the people around me and those I love and care about the. You know, you can do that on a daily [00:38:00] basis. And that's what can keep you from spiraling into this quote, giving yourself grace, but then like letting yourself off the hook, you know, right. Giving yourself grace is not the same thing as letting yourself go like yeah, do not let yourself go.
Do not let yourself, like, just have a field day and do whatever you want whenever you want. But just saying, okay. It's. Yeah, I get to try again. And I'm going to try again. Yeah. I'm gonna get back up and I'm gonna do it again. And I promise you that in the moment, it does not feel like it's worth it, but it is so worth it.
Like it is so worth it. Choose the hard thing, do the hard thing, because you're gonna thank yourself. You future you is going to thank you for making that really hard decision in the moment. Yeah. Yeah. Even if that hard decision is saying, okay, I need to let go of about 10 things on my to-do list today and just not worry about them.
cause it's really hard for people like me. Exactly. That is the hard thing. Exactly it is. And sometimes it's rest. Oh, well I was about to ask, you know, is there any tough love? You wanna leave the moms with? I know, you know, what tough love is it is. And I know the listeners do too. If you're new [00:39:00] here, just go listen to another episode, another interview, cuz you'll get the definition.
But. Is there any extra tough love you wanna give 'em today after that little nugget you, I know I do. I feel like I've kind of been a little tough already. I'm not like super tough, tough, but I've given some tough love. I, I would just say that I think the boundaries, like let's come back to the boundaries and let your yes.
BS, let your Nobi no, and stick to that. Stick to it. No excuses. Is that tough enough? That's awesome. I was gonna say, talk about a good way of like practicing follow through, right? When you say yes. Follow through on the yes. When you say no, I mean follow through on the, no, for me, I have to practice that a lot with my kids.
Like if I say no, or if there's a, the consequence and something gets taken away, my like, flush so badly wants to be like here, you can have it back. Cause you're trying to tantrum now, but you have to follow through. So yes, a simple way to practice that for our discipline in that area of life. Yes. So good.
So good. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. Um, if the listeners, I know they want more of you cuz your content's awesome and so [00:40:00] encouraging. So where can they find you follow you all the goodness. Yes. On Instagram. I'm at hay. It's Cain and the podcast is her pursuit. You can listen to that wherever you dream podcast.
Yes. And you'll be so encouraged if you do so go click. What is it? Follow or subscribe on the podcast. I don't even know, but go listen and be encouraged. Thank you so much for having me. Hold on. Yes, take care. Thank. Wow. I really hope this conversation just hit home. I hope there was at least one thing that you could take away and go, I can apply this right now.
This is something practical I can take away and start doing. This is a, a practical step that I can take on a day to day basis. So I don't feel that overwhelm in that stress constantly, cuz we don't need, we're not supposed to live that way. We're not created to live that way. So if anything, hit home, go share this podcast episode tag case and tag myself so we can encourage you back.
And I just hope. What you took away today sticks. Right? The only way. That we can make change in our life is by [00:41:00] following through. So whatever it is you took away today, follow through on it, make it part of who you are and go get after it before you go. Thank you for spending this time with me on the tough love mom podcast.
If this episode encouraged you in any way, the number one way you can thank me is to leave a review, letting me know how the show has impacted you. Then. Send this episode to another mom friend, or take a screenshot, post it on social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me on this journey to impact thousands of moms.
I'm so grateful to be on this journey with your sister until next time. Get after it.
