How To Overcome Feeling Like You "Failed" At Something in Your Health Journey
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"When we fail, we can experience a range of uncomfortable emotions such as shame, disappointment, sadness, worry, anger, and embarrassment, amongst others. These emotions hurt, and our instincts are often to escape from them by suppressing or avoiding them." — University of Melbourne
We are often our own worst critics and because, as women and as moms, we often want to be and do the best not just for ourselves but for those we love the most — that feeling of "failing" can hit hard when we don't live up to the ideal expectations we have for ourselves.
So how do you deal with feeling like you failed in your journey anytime you're a little off or fall off the wagon? How do you keep from getting too down on yourself and completely self-sabotaging? You're getting all of the answers today. Let's dive in!
Let's first define what that FAILURE is.
Failure is the thing that is causing the shame or disappointment or worry or anger or whatever it is you feel when you respond to "failure.” It is defined by you.
You also might call it "falling off the wagon" or "getting off track."
No matter what you CALL it, failure produces one or a few of those feelings from the definition by the University of Melbourne and can lead to the instinct we naturally have to avoid, escape, or suppress those feelings.
Often those feelings cause us to go back to old habits or to take the easier path when you're in the midst of building new habits and getting more disciplined.
One of the biggest steps in overcoming "failure" so you don't self sabotage is…
ACCEPTING that how you're feeling is normal and realizing what's going on in your mind. Be self aware of what's going on inside your head instead of sweeping it under the rug just because those feelings are uncomfortable.
After acknowledging that it happened and knowing that what's going on inside you is normal, Step two is simple because it is all in how you respond.
It's natural for our response to those uncomfortable feelings to be escape, avoid, and/or suppress. These can result in things like emotional eating, not working out at all, or even throwing out any routine you had going for you.
This step is uncomfortable because it takes self-honestly, personal accountability, and facing the things you're doing to yourself. But when you can identify WHAT it is you do in response to that feeling of failure — you can change your response.
And that's how you overcome feeling like you failed — you change how you respond
When those feelings start coming up after “failing” - you see it as fact — unemotionally — and then decide in that moment “Am I going to let this ONE decision derail me for days, possibly weeks? Or am I going to accept what just happened, feel the feelings, let it wash over me, and decide what I'll do next time I have the opportunity to ______ (workout, snack, eat a meal, etc).
SIMPLE as that. Not easy, but simple.
Are you ready to go from overwhelmed and stuck to disciplined and consistent in your journey?
Book your Starting Point Session and let's get you on track to your healthiest life!
FULL TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] We are our own worst critics, especially as women and as moms we want to do and be the best, not just for ourselves, but for those around us, those who we care about the most. And it's not a bad thing, it's just how we're wired. But. But that deep seated need to do our best and be our best all the time can also result in a strong feeling of failure when we don't live up to this standard and this expectation that we have of ourselves.
So how do you deal with feeling like you failed in your journey specifically? Anytime that you're a little off or you fall off the wagon, how do you keep from getting too down on yourself and completely self sabotaging? Everything that you've built up. For so far, that's what we're talking about today.
This is a serious topic. So let's dive in.
Hey mama. Welcome to the tough love mom podcast. I know you're here because you're ready to get consistent and finally lose that weight. [00:01:00] And you're not afraid of a little tough love, you know, what to do to lose weight. Following through on those things feels impossible. You wish you could just feel like you're strong, confident self again, and want to be a good example for your little ones, but you get thrown off by mom guilt and the unpredictability of motherhood.
It's frustrating taking on your journey. Postpartum is hard, but it's not impossible. Hey, I'm Liz. And I've been where you are. I gained a lot of weight in my pregnancies, 90 pounds, and then 60 pounds. I needed to lose that weight to take control of my health. And honestly just wanted to feel like myself again, with a sustainable approach to weight loss, simple consistency in working on my mindset.
I lost it all in just over a year, both times. And I'm here to help you do the same. I believe that we have an ingrained ability to figure out what we need to do, make it happen and do it in a way that AWS the world. If you're ready to stop falling off the wagon, create solid routine and healthy habits, and finally feel your best inside and out [00:02:00] all while enjoying D nuggets on your salad, you are in the right place.
We're about to transform your journey. My friend get pumped up. It is tough. Love time. According to the university of Melbourne, when we fail, we can experience a range of uncomfortable emotions, such as shame, disappointment, sadness. Worry, anger and embarrassment amongst others. These emotions hurt. And our instincts are often to escape from them by suppressing or avoiding these emotions.
Everyone responds in their own unique way to failure. That is fact we all have our own different responses. To that feeling of, wow, I let myself down. I didn't live up to the expectation. I expected personally. I process things very inwardly. So when I'm off or I feel like I've failed, I experienced a lot of disappointment in myself, shame.
And in the past, I tended to completely self sabotage by going totally off the rails with healthy choices. I was trying to make. [00:03:00] Right. So I would just go the other side of the spectrum completely 180 and throw everything out the window. That's kind, kind of how I treated that feeling because I just wanted to escape ever trying again.
It was like, I was scared it was gonna happen again. So I just went the other way. I'm sure something in that explanation or me sharing my own experience spoke to you, but how do you deal with it in your journey when you're trying to lose weight or just trying to change some of the habits that you have in place that might not be ideal right now?
When you fail at those things, cuz we all do. How do you deal with it? How do you overcome that feeling? How do you overcome that hurdle? So you don't completely self sabotage cuz it tends to be how a lot of us respond. So how do you do that? Let's first define what that failure actually is because it's very different for everyone.
Failure is that thing that is causing the shame or the disappointment or worry or anger or whatever it is, whatever feeling it is. When you have failure in your life, this is completely defined by you. I in no way can tell you what it [00:04:00] means for you to fail, because it can mean so many different things, because it's all about, it's all wrapped up in, what are you expecting of yourself?
You also might call it falling off the wagon or getting off track, no matter what you call it, it produces one or a few of those feelings I talked about before, and it can lead to the instinct. We naturally have to avoid escape or suppress those feelings. And that's often when those not so productive.
Come into place. So it could be like for giving you some examples here, it could be having what, some call a cheat meal when you didn't plan to, or sleeping through your alarm on purpose or for going a workout that you planned in, because you just didn't feel like doing it, even though you're trying to be consistent with those things.
Those are just a few examples, but often what happens when we quote, fail? As we're going back to old habits and taking an easier path when really you're in the midst of trying to get more disciplined or build new habits or take the tougher path that you just haven't taken before. So often it's going back to those easier, [00:05:00] old ways that you used to know, and you're trying to move away from, and that's frustrating.
Sorry, you can hear my kids banging with pots in the kitchen right now. It's so funny, but it's frustrating for that to happen. And FYI, like, so, you know, that frustration that you're feeling is normal. One of the biggest steps in overcoming failure overcoming that feeling. So you don't completely self sabotage is just that it's accepting that how you're feeling is normal.
And honestly, even before accepting that, it's just realizing what's going on in your head, be self aware of what's going on in your brain, in your mind, in your thoughts, instead of sweeping it under the rug, because those feelings are uncomfortable. We don't wanna sweep 'em under the rug, just cause we don't wanna deal with them.
You have to realize what you're feeling, why you're feeling it and face a head on because when we don't, that's, when we go back to our old. All of those things, you just heard about what the failure might be, the feelings that come up afterwards and how we often respond to it. Just be conscious of the [00:06:00] fact that they're happening, because that is step one and overcoming any failure that you experience in your journey, you have to acknowledge.
Yeah, I messed up. I tripped up. I fell off, whatever you, however you say it, you did that. Okay. It's a fact I'm unemotional about it. Maybe I was emotional for a few minutes or a few. I'm over it. Now. I'm just looking at it as that happened and I'm gonna move on. So what step two, after acknowledging that it happened and knowing what's going on inside your head, just like recognizing that what just happened in my brain, the way I'm feeling it's normal.
It's a simple step to. And it's your final step. How easy is that two steps to this acknowledge that it's happened? And the second step is all in how you respond. It's natural for our response to those uncomfortable feelings to be escape, avoid suppressed. Like that is human nature. That is so normal. We don't wanna feel uncomfortable.
But when we do that, when we give into that natural innate response, it results in things like emotional, eating. Not working out at all, [00:07:00] throwing out any routine or schedule that you had going for you, any habits that you were starting to put into place, what results in is all of those things going out the window?
You're probably like I can literally see this pattern in my life. That's good. That means you're recognizing that. Okay. I've walked this. So now I know the way out this part is uncomfortable. you know, knowing how to respond, choosing a different response than what's comfortable is hard because it takes self honesty.
It takes accountability with yourself and facing the things that you're doing to yourself. If you are, you know, if you fall off for one meal and you don't eat well, the way you expected yourself too, and you get frustrated and then you just. Decide to throw out your quote, diet the rest of the week, or throw out all these healthy eating habits you were putting in, putting into place.
And these mindful practices around food. When you decide to just throw all that out the window, it's a choice that that response is a choice. That response is a choice every single time until Monday, right. That you choose to start over. So you have to realize moment to moment that [00:08:00] I'm making these choices.
I'm doing this to myself and that's self-accountability and it's self honesty, and those don't feel good, but you know, it also doesn't feel. Those feelings of failure that come up that stress, that worry, that frustration, disappointment, and then responding in a way that is the easier path that are those things that you're trying to get away from those old habits, those old ways that you're trying to change.
that doesn't feel good either. So it's kind of the what's Lusher of two evils, or you're gonna choose, but when you can identify, this is the key, when you can identify what it is that you do in response to that feeling of failure, that discomfort, that frustration, when you can identify what specifically it is that you do in response to.
You can change your response. You have the authority in your life to do something different, cuz you're aware of what you naturally want to do, but what we naturally want, isn't always what is best for us. And that is how you overcome feeling like you failed, you [00:09:00] change how you respond and you can't do that unless you're aware that it's actually happening, aware of what you're feeling and aware.
How do you respond to failure? What is a changeable thing you do when you know, your nutrition gets thrown off? How do you respond to that? And I don't know, cuz it's so different for everyone, but there are tangible, tactical things that you probably do that aren't ideal. And you just have to recognize and call out what that is.
Cause I can't do it for you. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for you a little, you know, angel on your shoulder telling you and pointing out the things, but I can't. So you have to do that for yourself. And that's the only way to truly change is when you start doing these things for yourself. Okay. So when that feeling comes up, when you realize you've quote failed, you see it as a fact UNO.
Eventually, and then you decide in that moment when you're like, okay, it happened and it's over. And now I get to choose what I do moving forward. You're gonna go, am I going to let this one decision, this one moment of falling off derail me for days or weeks or months? Or am I going to accept what just [00:10:00] happened?
Feel the feelings, let them wash over me, let them, let the feelings happen and then decide what I'll do next. Because I have an opportunity to fill in the blank, workout, snack, eat, whatever you have the opportunity to do something different. Next time you don't have to keep going down that easier old path that you're used to.
It's as simple as that, it's not easy, but it is simple. So you know what I would love you to do right now, just having this all fresh in your mind. And now you're probably feeling a little uncomfortable right now. Like wherever you're sitting, whether it's in the car. , you know, breastfeeding your little one or whatever, with your ear pods in whatever you're doing.
I just want you to like, kinda shake your body, shake that uncomfortable feeling off. And then since a lot of this requires self accountability and that's hard, cuz self accountability is uncomfortable and it can be lonely. I want you to head over to the tough love mom squad on Facebook. It's our private group for tough love mom, listeners.
And I want you to post in there. How. Respond to failure. So specifically answer these questions for yourself and be totally honest, [00:11:00] because that's how you get to the root of this. That's how you make changes with true self honesty. So how do you feel like what is, what are the main feelings that come up for you when you quote, fail?
Which emotion, which emotions are you experiencing? How do you respond to those feelings? So think about some specific things that you've tried to change and maybe failed out a few times. How are you responding to those feelings? Do you. Throw everything out the window. Do you fall off for a few weeks?
Just, just start answering these, what emotions come up, how do you respond to that feeling? How does it play out in the choices that you make? And then what's the timeline for recovery? How long does it take you to kind of rebound from that, that moment of falling off the wagon or quote, failing? How long does it take you to recover?
Because good thing is when you start getting more aware and here's a little bonus tip, when you start getting more aware, Of what you're doing, why you're doing it and how you respond that timeline and, and you start making different choices in response to failing that timeline shortens each [00:12:00] time you make a disciplined choice after falling off, no matter how long it takes that timeline over time will shorten.
So answer those questions. What emotions come up, how do you respond in the, and how do those play out in the choices that you make after falling? Whether it's in nutrition or fitness or your routine. And then what's the timeline for you to rebound from that? You know, quote failure. I, I feel like you've used that word so much today and I don't even like that word, but how long does it take?
Okay. Go use that space in the tough love of mom squad to share, to be vulnerable and to start this monumental process for yourself of overcoming failure in your journey, because I can guarantee you one. you will fail. You will fall off the wagon. We all do. I, do you do your friends, do the girl you follow on Instagram, who you think is perfect and doesn't ever have a bad day does.
Okay. But when you respond to that failure with intention and awareness, you recover faster. Each time you fall off. [00:13:00] So go join the tough love mom squad, if you aren't part of it yet. And if you are go share, go be vulnerable and go lean in because you should not be taking on this journey as a mom alone.
Okay. I'll see you in there before you go. Thank you for spending this time with me on the tough love mom podcast. If this episode encouraged you in any way, the number one way you can thank me is to leave a review. Letting me know how this show has impacted you. Then send this episode to another mom friend or.
Take a screenshot, post it on social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me on this journey to impact thousands of moms. I'm so grateful to be on this journey with your sister until next time. Get after it.
